The Witty Child

Merry Christmas, everyone! One last seasonal make to show everyone…

I spied this in the 2014 Just Cross Stitch Christmas ornament special. The magazine’s version was stitched on this crazy Shrek-green evenweave that immediately reminded me of my next door neighbours’ living room walls, and I knew I had to stitch this up for them. I didn’t have a colour like that in my stash, but I did find some 28-count pewter evenweave, which I thought nicely evocative of a grey winter sky. (Even though it doesn’t co-ordinate with their walls nearly as well, the cardinals sure pop.) My local stitchery shop had a small oval hoop which framed it perfectly.

A better shot of the piece itself:

Wishing everyone happy holidays. I hope Santa/the Hanukkah Armadillo brings you everything you want!

craftmas, Cross-stitch and Embroidery

[Insert bad Jerry Lewis impression here]

December 21, 2014July 25, 2018 wittychild

(Typical Millennial: “Jerry who?” Just Youtube “jerry lewis typewriter”, kids.)

It all started like this: my friend Jeanette is a writer by trade – and yes, I am terribly jealous – and has a writerly affinity for typewriters. As the weather turned cooler and one could utter the word “Christmas” without being pelted by tomatoes, I started searching about for a suitable gift. I had two criteria: it shouldn’t be too grand, so as to not embarrass the recipient or strain my budget; and it should be easily and inexpensively shipped internationally.

My first thought had been a Christmas ornament of some sort, but a quick search revealed that most available were either overpriced or underwhelming, or both. Also, while a hard clay ornament might have been okay to ship internationally had an appropriate one been found, the thought of a blown glass one made me nervous. I did see a cute necklace online, but that seemed just a little personal. Could I make something instead?

Thank heavens for Urban Threads. I found a simple hand embroidery pattern on their site, and a charcoal-gray tea towel in my stash. And all households need at least one hand-embroidered kitchen linen, right?

The picture makes the towel look lighter than it really is. I chose the colours I did to really pop against the gray, with just a hint of silver metallic on what I believe are called the typebars, plus the little doohickey on the right hand side. It came out looking really great, but my stars, the 39 little keys just about killed me! Also, for any embroiderers or aspiring embroiderers out there: watch the surface you choose. This particular towel has ribbing (or cabling?), and although it adds to the tactile appeal, those darned keys came out a little wobbly looking if they happened to fall on a cable.

And now, for a little comic relief:

craftmas, General Sewing

To go boldly where no man has gone before

December 14, 2014July 25, 2018 wittychild

True Trekkies will take issue with my slight misquote; however, grammarians will rejoice at my perfectly unsplit infinitive (perhaps even to the point that they will ignore “unsplit” not being a real word).

My friend Bill is a fan of Star Trek: TOS, and particularly of William Shatner. Over the years, I’ve bought him many books penned by Mr. S., as well as bobbleheads, action figures, and other paraphernalia. Some months ago, whilst rifling through my bookmarks, I found this link. I had originally saved it a few years ago, and finally decided it was high time I did something about it.

Panic very nearly set in when I clicked on the link to the McCall’s website found within the post, and discovered it no longer existed; luckily, my crafty packrat instincts had kicked in when I first read about the project, and I had downloaded the PDF pattern and instructions. With some felt, gold fabric paint, and about $2 worth of fleece, Bill would have his very own Star Trek stocking.

I chose Command Yellow (Gold?), natch – oh, so appropriate, given that his wage-slave hours are spent as a team leader – and found a silhouetted version of the insignia with a quick Google search. My insignia is made up of three pieces of felt: a black bottom layer; a smaller, yellow layer painted with two coats of gold fabric paint that required 24 hours to dry each time; and a black star on the very top.

And filled to the gills with all sorts of goodies!

I took a few liberties with the pattern, such as not lining it – though in hindsight this may have been helpful, since the paperback book I thoughtfully stuffed in it caused some rather unsightly bulges.

I made the delivery last week, which seemed a little early, but I wanted him to have the stocking for a Christmas decoration throughout December. For his part, he asked where I bought it (!), and now has it hanging at his desk, where several coworkers have asked where he got it. This might be tough to beat next year!

Cross-stitch and Embroidery

Like, you know, whatever.

October 20, 2014July 25, 2018 wittychild

If you read this blog regularly (thank you!), you might have surmised that I’m a bit of a grammar geek. (Grammar tea towel, anyone?) That geekery extends to language of all stripes, and almost annoying and [sic]-making as bad grammar is lazy speech. Cami. Mani-pedi. *shudder* Appies. Quit being so lazy! You’re not limited to 140 characters when you speak, so snap out of it!

But by far, the one that sets my teeth on edge the most? “Whatever.” I freely admit that there are entirely appropriate moments to use it, for example: “Want to hang out tonight? We can watch TV, or play a game, or whatever.” That’s fine; it suggests flexibility and openness. But ah, using it as a substitute for wit or accurate information? Language FAIL! “Actually, Jimmy, it was Neil Young who was in Buffalo Springfield, and not Neil Diamond.” “Whatever.” Um, no, Jimmy. Big difference.

I suppose I could handle this if my mother didn’t use it constantly, as an all-purpose answer or conversation-ender. But she does, and she uses its red-headed stepchild “Whatevie”, too. She is my mother, and I love her, and this is what prevents me from grabbing the nearest crowbar (full disclosure: I don’t have one, so it’s not really a threat) and going postal. And when I saw this design from Heritage Crafts, I knew I had to stitch it for her.

It’s called “Whateva”, as you may well imagine, and as an added bonus, the cat in the picture kind of looks like hers, albeit with a far worse attitude. After busting my hump trying to find an appropriately coloured squarish frame for it, I opted for pragmatism and snapped up this bright blue hoop from my local stitching shop. It’s not exactly an heirloom piece, so, you know…whatever.

General Sewing

The fastest cat alive!

September 23, 2014July 25, 2018 wittychild

Gather ’round children…there’s a story behind today’s creation. (Isn’t there always?)

My cat has lightning-fast reflexes, and moves like a greased pig – particularly when checkup-time rolls around and she knows a car ride is imminent. She honestly seems to sense when this is about to happen, which means that occasionally I have to tackle her like I’m trying out for JV football in order to get her in her carrier and get her to the vet’s office on time. A couple of years ago, she had to stay overnight for observation, which compounded the tackle-and-ride trauma with apparent abandonment. I had stopped by to visit her after work, and she was so mad she wouldn’t even look at me. I felt like the worst parent ever as I poked my fingers through the cage bars in vain and, as there were other people around, tried not to cry over my new title.

And then I saw the sign.

Written hastily in red Sharpie, and taped over her medical information on the front of her cage, it proclaimed, “I’m fast!”

My first thought was one of smug validation: it wasn’t that my reflexes were slow. My own rather unscientific observation had now been corroborated by a veterinary professional. See? She is fast, and the traumatizing tackle was necessary. And then it hit me:

The cat had tried to do a runner.

And suddenly I felt the way I imagine parents of two-legged children feel upon receiving notice that their child has just displayed some sort of ungracious or otherwise unpleasant behaviour – like, say, getting stuck in the mud while the class was planting trees for Earth Day, and then refusing to hand her shovel over to the teacher so that he might dig her out, because she was under strict orders not to let anyone else use it. (True story.)

Fast-forward a couple of years: kitty is happy and healthy, but since her annual checkup is getting close, I thought she could use a little jacket to ward off the autumn chill as she’s being shuttled from Point A to Point B.

I used McCall’s 5776, and modified View C to suit my needs. The instructions called for fringing the edges which didn’t seem very aerodynamic and Flash-like to me, so I lopped off some of the extra fabric and finished with a narrow hem instead. The Flash logo was cut from felt and sewn on by hand, and Velcro at the throat and under the belly keep things in place.

(She’s not quite as enamoured with it as she appears in the photo. She doesn’t hate it, exactly, but whenever I try it on her, she does a little kitty moonwalk to try and get out of it.)

baking

Any time is a good time for cupcakes…

September 9, 2014July 25, 2018 wittychild

Last week, I decided that I hadn’t baked cupcakes in a while, and it was high time to change that. And just in case I needed a reason, it was my cat’s birthday – according to the official Humane Society paperwork, which may or may not be all that accurate.

In any case, I brought out my trusty chocolate cake recipe from VCTOTW, and gave then a kitty-centric decorating job, since I had some fondant left over from my dad’s birthday cake. As one of my professional-baker friends noted, fondant lasts practically forever, and with a little kneading is good as new. Suddenly, buying a whole box of the stuff for a few little cutouts doesn’t sting so much.

That’s blue raspberry frosting, by the way. I can’t resist anything blue raspberry. And, as my mother noticed, if you turn the cupcake 90° to the left (or your head 90° to the right), the cat turns into a bunny of sorts, like one of those bizarre optical illusions.

The birthday girl was mildly intrigued, until she determined they were non-fishy in nature. “Thanks a lot, Ma.”

General Sewing

Summery Tiki Shirt

August 28, 2014July 25, 2018 wittychild

Typical: just in time for the days to be shorter, the temperatures cooler, and with all signs pointing squarely toward autumn, I’ve finished a rather summer-appropriate blouse for myself.

I had bought this fabric oh, ages and ages ago, and had in fact sewn myself a little wiggle dress from it, complete with co-ordinating piping and (mostly) hidden side zip, but when I came across the rest of it in my stash, I decided I needed to do something else with it. Enter Simplicity 7086, View E. Nothing demands a tie-front blouse quite like tiki pin-up girls.

I deliberately left the darts out to make it a little more boxy – since the front tie means it comes up a little shorter than some blouses, I didn’t want it to be too close and prone to creeping up, and find that the more flowy silhouette complements the length nicely. Also, although you can’t tell from the photo, I made that collar my b…, I mean, my slave. For a pattern named Simplicity, the collar instructions were (bad word) convoluted. I looked at them, asked my mother’s advice, and even checked with my dad in case he saw something in them that I was missing. Nope. So, I modified it just a wee bit, but you’d never know; it looks just fine on. (Does anyone else have this problem with collars? Or am I forever doomed to a life of sewing nothing but collarless pajama-style tops?)

I think I have enough fabric to maybe fashion a circle skirt of sorts, if I don’t mind cutting panels instead of one big piece…sort of a modern take on the vintage playsuit. Well, there’s always next summer…

Thanks for looking! 🙂

baking, Cross-stitch and Embroidery

Take me right back to the track, Jack!

August 15, 2014July 25, 2018 wittychild

Where does the time go? One day, I was stitching up Christmas ornaments, and now, poof! Finals, summer birthdays, that feeling of irritation that occurs when you upgrade your operating system only to find out that none of your (admittedly embarrassingly rudimentary) Windows XP software will run on Windows 8.1….

But I digress.

My dad celebrated a birthday a few weeks back, and in keeping with my Birthday Cake Rule*, I knew I had to come up with something good. I had seen this cake on the Brown Eyed Baker some time ago and had been wanting to try it for a while. Here’s my take:

Since my dad is just a wee bit (ha!) older than the BEB’s birthday boy, I passed on the rainbow cake in favour of something just a little more adult.

This is my modification of the basic chocolate cupcake recipe from…wait for it…Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World. It’s rich and moist without being too sweet, nice and light, and goes down easy. Absolutely worth skipping a half-day of classes to make!

I also took a break from needling away at the rather large needlepoint project that’s been occupying my leisure time to stitch him a card. I saw the pattern in an issue of The World of Cross Stitching, and he rather reminded me of my parents’ cat.

*The Birthday Cake Rule, for the uninitiated: If you really love someone, you’ll make them a birthday cake, or pie, or cookies, or other dessert of choice, from scratch. None of this store-bakery sheet-cake stuff.

baking

Bake a walk on the wild side…

June 22, 2014July 25, 2018 wittychild

Corniest title for a post ever? Mmmmaybe. But bear with me; it’s not as inappropriate as it may seem at first blush.

A local no-kill cat shelter was having a bake sale/garage sale/general fundraising event this weekend, and I wanted to bake something for them, as always. The scheduling appeared to be a bit of an issue, though: last week was crazy, with attendance-mandatory groupwork classes, presentations, four separate tests, and assignments due that had to be handed in as a hard copy like this were 1995 or something. This was going to make taking a day off to bake cookies a little awkward – fortunately, tests got moved up, classes got more or less cancelled…and suddenly I had nothing preventing me from making Friday my baking day.

A couple of weeks ago, while rifling through a folder of clipped-out recipes, I had happened upon a simple blondie recipe that had been lifted from Canadian Living. The original recipe called for making a caramel drizzle and, well, drizzling it on the blondies once they had cooled sufficiently. So simple, and so, so good! We discovered, however, that after a couple of days (yes, they managed to last that long!) the caramel drizzle kind of absorbed into the blondie. It gave them a nice sheen, and still tasted ah-maze-ing, but lacked that 3D “pop” I wanted. I considered possible alternatives before it hit me: since this is for a cat shelter, why not take my inspiration from their larger jungle cousins?

And so I present…Tiger Blondies!

The same delicious base, now spread with melted butterscotch chips and drizzled with melted chocolate.

Golden brown on the outside, moist and chewy on the inside.

Prettied up for selling purposes.

The volunteers at the shelter thought they looked great; hopefully they helped raise some funds, too!

Remember: spay or neuter your pet!

cooking, Cross-stitch and Embroidery

Mother’s Day – Better Late Than Never

May 18, 2014July 25, 2018 wittychild

Don’t worry – I didn’t forget Mother’s Day. I was oh-so-dilligent, producing a homemade card and breakfast. I just had some…issues…securing appropriate photographs.

This is not one of the giant apple pancakes (à la Pancake House, but better!) I made last week. Those got devoured within minutes of their hitting the table, and it wasn’t until we were halfway through that I remembered my camera was in the other room. This is from a second batch, made today, and with camera close at hand. It’s criminal how good these are, and how easy they are to make, too. This may be my new special occasion recipe.

And it’s not Mother’s Day without a homemade card, is it?

I found the pattern in an issue of Cute Cross Stitch I bought last summer, and had pretty much hung onto the magazine specifically for this card collection. I modified it a bit – made the kitty’s nose black to look like mine, and left off the tail since she’s a bobtail – and mounted it on some pink cardstock I had on hand.

Happy May Long!